Baggage claim sample.. just to set the tone!
in the beginning 2 November 2019
I forgot how quiet it is to be by myself. I forgot how time plays games with the silence. As the clock twitches it’s beat I wait for it to be daylight outside so I can familiarise myself with this neighbourhood where I’ll be for the next couple days leading up to the cité. I can feel a turmoil of emotions bubbling under my skin which are hungry to come out as I become conscious that I have left my pack back home. Hopefully I can keep my emotional procrastination secure for the day, I’d like to go and find the elephant legs I saw in the woodlands close by.
post scriptum: so much nicer than ps
okay so how could you screw with a perception of time you could increase or decrease that ticking by a second..you could do both: play with the ticking so it still ends up to equal an hour or a day or a week a year etc… you could still feel that rhythmical tick but it speeds up or slows down like when you yawn and the ticking comes back slightly wrong…just a little.
You could attach a boulder to the hand of a huge clock so it speeds up with gravity then fights against it on its way up to midnight.
lag haze 3 November 2019
I thought I was awoken by a great thought sequence but I fear it was eagerness for cheese that has culminated in the explosive contemplation..Do I have enough loo paper to get me through til the morning..
How do you solidify a thought?(def the cheese talking) how do you turn an idea into an object or is it that the thought comes from a physical, solid being is that enough weight?? why is there a desire to turn a concept into reality….how to give weight to thought..
I spent yesterday strolling around the nearby park doing laps of the lake and islands..I perched myself by some geese and swans for a bit (trying to overcome my fear of these creatures as to perhaps convince myself I can conquer any upcoming adversities). The bridge connecting the island was outfitted in a bondage style pvc ensemble.. white stretched plastic confining its structure and a huge zip running down its length. it seemed to be suffering through its confined public display..
…my head is muttering.. stay right… cross at the crossings.. theres the zoo rock that will help you find your way back…look this lawn its just weeds that’s great… I wonder how weeds converse if its like teenage banter to the surrounding trees ... I wonder if the grass has grown at home…pffttt (my mind speaks in french too) of course it has…. There is a homeless person in the cave… I shouldn’t be here this must be his space..do locals know this?.. does he need help?..would people from the other side of paris know not to walk through the cave as its belongs to him or just the locals?..or maybe just one person knows that rule….Im sorry that i chose this path… what do you remember.. Smile and say bonjour…. cute dog….I miss my dog.. On and on it goes..what do you remember……….Breathe…Thats what you remember.
ps
thinking that my unrelenting nattering is trying to connect present unknown with a safe place..trying to calm me to guide me through…keep thinking of zippers..
one more sleep 4 November 2019
4am thats good..i think one more night before Ill be sorting out this lag. woke a couple times thought I could smell my love but it was comforting not distressing.. Ive quite enjoyed the weird haze and being a night owl which is so unnatural for me. I head to the cité today and I am now looking forward to it.. Looking forward to un packing and starting some kind of routine.
I heard someone describe the paris sky as a luminous grey yesterday that made me smile I think its like they’ve put a giant dimmer on the sun its turned half the way down.
Its been All Saints weekend over here and Isabelle says its a somber time of year and they don’t have the celebrations connected as they do in other countries. she was going to visit her mums grave.
Tom and Oriane suggested a trip to Saint-Denis, on the 13 line which is apparently always busy. Im not a big churchy person but it was good to get out and converse and practise my abysmal language skills plus the visit was free because of All Saints. Bonus! I was struck by the amount of graffiti etched into the stone figures. Many looked like the tattooed woman up close but a few steps back you couldn’t see..it felt like a kind of ownership or branding . There was more of that white plastic in the church. Its got such a tactile, delicious quality. Ive always loved the wrapped building sites, I think I first saw them in Finland where an entire church was entombed in white fabric. It reminds me of Christo and Clause-Jean. Its like a protection and a restriction at the same time??
Tom thought that a stroll would be good around the area!! There were huge markets and hundreds of people selling all the fakes.. Apparently I got followed a little too closely and Oriane had to inform me to walk faster ..(I live in North Hobart we have these dudes there too).. Tom decided that we had come so close to a near death experience and it was good we didn’t end up in the seine with our throats cut…yep…..
.. Saint Denis Island was cool, lots of huge untouched industrial sites. rows of graffitied shells that sit all along the seine. Its one of those places where you know its just been overlooked but it wont take long to change.
woot woot coffee then off to the Cité.
same same 4 November 2019
So I am here… it has happened..
Same, same but different. The garden still shows the remnants of its autumn life. I remember the shock of the bare limbs all around but now I am met with colour and sunshine.. How long before they become bare again It’ll be nice to watch from my window.
I strolled down to get a coffee maker, I knew where to go I got one last time after breaking the one here on the toilet bowl! This time theres none.. Follow the Seine and the distant metal structure.. oh its so much, I remember the footpaths all wrinkled and stretched with the summer heat long gone, I remember the garden shops and again wish I could fill the studio with soil and plants, I remember it being too much then and now the smells and the sights make my heart expand and rise in my chest ..I conceive that it may rise so much they I could take a bite by accident.. I am overcome.
The room is filled with the noise of jackhammers and workmen close by I wonder if at night the air will swell again with the music that i remember so fondly from the adjacent school. I hope so.
I recognise this nervous apprehension, its why I wanted to come back. I longed to feel it again, an all consuming emotional state.. its starting again…….. I think I may have romanticised this in state in reflection... I hold back tears and make some coffee..
I am thinking I may have romanticised this emotion in my mind
woot 5 November 2019
i just got a commendation on my french improvement and a free baguette from the best bakery around!! im pretty sure that all i need to say..shining..it is kind of late but you know gotta take the wins.
a start 5 November 2019
Its always good to begin, have an idea and just play. it will keep me busy until the next idea comes my way..
The music played outside my window for just a little while last night which took me away, a private little concert.. But alas the builders are back early with vengeance. I need to get some supplies in the 18th today so Ill have a look around and walk past Angus favourite shop in Pigalle.. full of cool young dudes hanging and well, being cool.. They were lovely and patient when I went in 2 years ago when i tried to explain in broken French (Broken French what a terrible thing) that I was shopping for my son who is also young and super cool..I think the ‘embarrassing mum’ is a world wide phenomena.
Well excitement is brewing and the fact that ive started to play takes away the self deprecating voice that had only just started to speak.. So I can push him aside for a little longer!
i did say emotional? 5 November 2019
Okay so there something about that zipper i saw in the park..something of constraint but eminent release ..a control, a fixture that you choose to tamper with or not .. a connection. Teeth. Finding a groove …. Tom has said its probably not kosher to collect garments on the street that have been thrown away that have zippers but I’m yet to work out my stand on it…
later..
I fucking don’t know what I’m doing Im just responding..people ask what are my plans..its to respond really thats all fuck it “Depaysement” was my thing you know that weird feeling of being in a foreign country that self instigated oppressed solitude that some people aim for ..I aim for it but in theory only..I know it’d make me MAD and I'm just not able to give in to it .. i don’t want to be that hermit living in solitude ..I'm scared of that person in me, Im scared that the chatter in my head will exceed my controllability.. i need the art of communication and caring for someone other than myself..i miss people.. i am drunk…
later still…
why am i here?( when say here i don’t mean in the big picture) .. Why did I need to come back..someone asked me those questions as I was writing the grant proposal.. I was so sure of what I wanted to accomplish but now I'm unsure for fuck sake I'm two days in its okay. .breathe.. a little .. enjoy .. breathe again..fuck..just have a day off….
just write….
What did you do today? recall.. Saint Paul metro was closed so I decided to walk …. Paris streets are like a giant maze .. You go one way and then your facing the entirely wrong direction.. I’ve always prided myself of my geographical skills but Paris, oh my god who designed these streets ( note to self look that shit up..I could be in Venice) … so finally got to the fabric district .. shop after shop of fabrics ..problematic somewhat when your after a zip ..”fermeture eclair”..apparently its very tricky to buy zip on a reel so ended up buying a variety of shorter lengths.. still think i should have cut zips of discarded clothing..(theres still time) …
..next walk home.. stroll.. oh my god so many shops and I know Im not here to shop… But whats the harm in looking so Ive ended up with scarf.. its good .. now i can go out with just a shirt and a scarf and maybe the locals wont be so distressed I'm not wearing a jacket!
and then..
A visit to Tuileries .. you know it, Ive put it off..my trees ..they were dressed not in their finest but semi cloaked: slightly revealing. I already know whats coming but I get to see the Autumn tease.. I did cry and as spruikers came up to yet another tourist visiting the Louvre district.. they fled with my public display of emotion. ..unashamed. A tear brimming moment..breathe again ..take it in..
cheese zits.. 7 November 2019
A day in… Glad I packed headphones.
Restriction, constraint, control, concealment, tension, protection, connection, hidden, eminent release.
trains and galleries 6 November 2019
Just got home (ah I said home..aww) and the rain has started and its apparently set in for the rest of the week so I wont be wearing my suede sneakers out for a few days (stupid, stupid choice!)
What a day .. after a spinach omelette (thought I should increase my food choices beyond cheese and bread) headed to Galerie Thaddaeus Ropac what an amazing space.. Georg Baselitz what can I say?.. what can I say?…..its that obsessive artist repeating upside-down figures..my favourites were when geometric shapes were incorporated (of course) favourite is a bit of a stretch but its a bloody amazing space and showcased the artists hefty obsessions well .
The Pompidou was next Id been waiting to see Trickys work and it didn't disappoint.. the huge wall based work become activated through your phone and words and elements came alive..I had never seen that kind of platform work so well.. super inspiring and really innovative...it actually made me really proud that a Tassie artist that has worked so hard has now received recognition! So good.
Its 6pm and dark come on dude next door stop hammering!..maybe I can hammer back and we can make some horrendous score.
Where did the day go… galleries zap your time ,energy and emotions..Im pretty shattered. Still haven’t had that day off..maybe tomorrow?
There are so many Aussie Shepherds here ..they all walk unleashed strolling by there owner and as I see them coming I mentally plead with them to come say hello..but they’re french and possibly don’t understand my Australian telepathy skills.
Got some supplies today from Leroy Merlin what a fucking amazing name for a hardware store… Id like to work here at the studio tomorrow but Ill see how sound proof my earphones are..Its so noisy the workmen below started at 7 and there was a huge fight..Merde..blah blah Merde so i knew someone wasn’t happy.. after 20 minutes I recorded it so hopefully Oriane can tell me what the fuck the problem was..cause then at least theres a justification..I hope he hadn’t just forgotten his lunch…
Ended up have a Guinness at the Scottish Pub around the corner I had kind of avoided it trying to do the whole French thing ..So fucking confusing what language to talk in and then the manager comes down and says something about a playground totally confused then do you say Merci or Thanks?? are you suppose to speak in English or French?? its actually easier going to a French place because you know what your suppose to do.. plus I get to practise my horrific language “skills” ..Guinness was good though.
high heel dog walking 8 November 2019
Im really trying not to be insular. Im trying to get out there and respond to people and things but theres a quiet longing to come back to my safe cave the moment I step outside..I suppose thats how everyone feels?…
Fun morning heading off to Luxembourg gardens. Was shocked as the aim of my journey was to visit the trees that had given me such abstracted inspiration ..it was a little sad as they were like my old goats that’d half shed their coats, mid transition, its strange to see them like this.. The garden curators had done an amazing job of planting lots of yellow and gold flowers to showcase the turning trees...that was pretty lovely..the vases had a metal structure built so the plants would cascade into the direction of the massive pond… ponder… that re-occuring concept of man overcoming nature I have.
The studio is starting to look like what you thought Heaven would look like at about the age of 6 ..lots of white fluffy textures.. what the fuck.. Its funny that when I have time to make its not paint its a direct response to materials and object around me..its an indulgence in time and thought I guess...I really love that immediate reaction..maybe ,its too confronting to paint…stop! .. actually it’d be worse if I just came and painted the same old shit..this is good..(fucking self debate)…The plastic is a worry ..its always been apart of my work and I know that paints and glues and everything basically you use to make art is problematic so im trying my hardest to collect and add as little as possible ..in saying that I found an awesome 50% off tarpaulin today that is a transparent and white grid and its pretty lovely.. shit.. fuck..it is delicious though.. id really like another….
Its a weird making experience with these materials..not knowing enough of the language, but occasionally the tape talks in french; in that melodic tone, the stretching and turning and pulling of tape ...I still don’t understand but at least the artwork is trying to talk back.
Im keeping it together so far..albeit a week it! I bought a jar of peas today thinking I could do some kind of italian/french butter pasta?? ..moving on from cheese and baguette ..a little..Food is kind of weird when your alone its no problem to go to a bistro (they’re on every corner) and order a steak and chips but the whole idea of dining is the conversation and laughter..dont fear I have no issue with having a haughty conversation with myself(!!) but it feels like a waste..of ..effort..
I haven’t checked the mail box yet? what could possibly be in there? ill give it another day!
the disappeared is not a netflix special - continuation of a constant ramble 8 November 2019
So the “disappearing woman”.. in France is a little older than the Australian. I have a habit of smiling at woman.. but in general its only those that have felt that they have disappeared that smile back..they are accepting and acknowledge the recognition.
..To those that have heard me go on about this and to those that have no idea what I speak of (frankly its close to becoming a person issue). Women of a certain age repeatedly tell me they are disappearing in society. they are no longer acknowledged or seen .. in an age where story telling and wisdom is found on a screen and not by word of mouth what becomes of our patriarchal women…???
We have lost the ability to see elders as people, okay.. so You know in yourself you have always been that possibly (i speak for myself) self opinionated, devil may care yet knowledgeable person.. .you know of the world and how you feel about it… it doesn’t change..You cary this from birth to death ...When it comes to women of a certain age,,, you’ve passed them on the street… they’re greying or not, they tend to walk more slowly or not and they even possibly don’t have the lover they’ve spent their lives caring for anymore.. or perhaps they do .. These are the women I speak of, these are the women that share my smile.
There is a loss of voice … there is a loss of recognition…there is a betrayal of the generation following them.. We have lost the civil politeness to recognise that not only do people have a story, its one worth knowing!
Ive told this story before at conferences and artist talks.. I was 20 years old when I met the most amazing woman called Di, she told me she had disappeared and no one would listen..we spent the next six years discussing politics and the art school (she had been a receptionist there) and those bastards that made her life shit..and then the one that didn’t.. I was Di’s hairdresser and her ashes lay under a birch tree in my backyard.. she taught me so much .. she came to the salon one day and played a recording where a politician compared themselves to fish…Yep!..she came into this wizz bang up market salon I once worked at (like super wiz bang )with her tape deck and played it to me..fucking awesome woman.. in saying that she was pretty short with the rest of the staff but looking back I know why they saw her as old and useless…. she wasn’t.
..so what am i trying to get out? .. has the loss of verbal tale been lost? do we shun those in our community that are seen as old?? How can we learn to listen? I remember James Newitts piece from years ago.. and it ended with a barn dance..Im sorry Ive forgotten the title…he saw the loss of story too…it was a grand voice…thank you.
and all this ramble from a shuffling woman on the street with a cane that smiled back..try it .. for me x
the italian slip up 10 November 2019
Had a little altercation yesterday on a train..and you know how somethings just stick and you cant shake it.. its like a tiny, sudden, emotional overload that you just weren’t expecting..
..So i bumped into a man getting on the train (he had his back turned to the doors and was blocking the entrance).. I excused myself in what I worked out later was Italian..(why does that cross language pollination happen in a foreign country?) He approached me and started yelling at me, I lost the ability to put words together, I just stood there as the entire cabin stared.. I know the French are not shy about telling you you’ve made a mistake..But this was a little overkill…I couldn’t find any words I just looked at my toes like a child being scolded. I was embarrassed but mostly disappointed that Id said the wrong thing and then couldn’t speak to explain my mistake…. Fuck it…. arsehole.. It was the line Oriane had warned me about.. I was pleased that he got off a couple stations before me so It would end.
Saturdays are busy, even early. I went to a couple flea markets and then strolled past some little commercial galleries which were closed so they’ll have nose smudges to deal with when they arrive to work… Theres always a lot of traditional paintings going on.. A couple of interesting works using movement which I really dug I might go back and have another look..I love the idea but It would be interesting to make the platform base less uniform?????
There are a lot of homeless around asking for change.. It must be so much harder now with everyone using plastic currency.. Ive decided to give my small change to a lady around the corner each night, not that I have much to spare but I say Bon soir madame and give her my eyes, I see you.… Im so fucking privileged…. I hope she got a meal or wine or the drugs she needs to get through the night….
Art.. fucking art..fuck it… its nearly time to tear it all down and start again!!
Still playing here’s some contact that has spent the last 3 days over the heaters.. kind of feels like the backbone I need to get (both metaphorically and literally (backs been actually good)!) ;!!!!… all the ribbing has disappeared overnight so that goes on the things to ponder about this morning!!…..
dread and joy 10 November 2019
Went to the mailbox.. and there it was .. the formal invitation to meet and greet …Oh god!.. I need to do this .. It’ll be okay.. I cant explain the panic and dread this kind of invitation fills me with. I need to convey someone else.. I will need to be conversational and confident and well not say anything too weird.. I’ll need to be in work mode …..ah fuck… I’ve got a few days to summon that person….. I will need a lot more candles…and some kind of mantra or witchcraft where’s Pip .. She could cast me a good spell.. or maybe she too is still refining this one (much love xx).. . I know everyone else will most probably be feeling the same….. 2hrs is not that long, especially if there’s food and a toilet break….I won’t hide in the loo..I promise… I won’t promise… Worst case scenario I can last 20 minutes… I can do that..
So today…..A day in… time to collect thoughts and refine current ideas . Time to edit and time to not be precious… Some good outcomes today.. Ill let the pictures explain.. I feel good..
Currently: Waiting for a time lapse piece to work…..thought it was going to be quick but there’s no wind! .. will instagram it if it works although its looking like the 60 second window may be a bit of an ask! and it may be shite! we’ll see.. in the mean time grand vin de bordeaux….
P.S. incase you we worried.. cheese zit volcanos have subsided without eruption..
..Its weird being awake when everyone you know is dreaming.. after a day to myself I am currently counting the minutes when I hear my automated doorbell notify me that my people are up and off for an early morning walk.. I need to make sure I get out tomorrow…..
okay the fucking bike in the studio??? does anyone use this when there’s bikes and scooters outside the door that you can take and leave anywhere?? the tires are flat and there’s no pump? its just taking up space??? or maybe others use this?? should this be sold for funds?? its been here for years it was definitely here last time ….just putting it out there..ive thrown out all the dried up paints and have kind of reorganised things but the bike is a big one…
the digs.. 11 November
So as I try and work out how to use this gimbal Ive brought along for the ride I’ll give you a tour of my digs…. I took several video tours but this is the only one where I don’t end up swearing.. if someones watching me I hope they’re having a good giggle!…and turn the sound down I didn’t realise I could make a living doing random nuisance phone calls!!..Heavy breather…..
….
I was going to cook tonight but the baguette was still warm..maybe tomorrow!
My already dark circles are deepening with lack of sleep and I’m starting to look like Ive been in a brawl at the mustard pot! With the upcoming meet and greet I thought Id go buy cover up.. I packed some lippy, eyeliner and moisturiser- the basics.. Man Ray’s red badge of courage and all that ..Fucking shallow ..I know ..It was drilled into me as an apprentice, my boss out the back smothering us with lipstick if we turned up bare faced.. Maybe I wont use it: a safety net… I know that make up never makes you look better or younger a bit like cosmetic surgery it never makes someone look great, or that they’ve lost years it just make people look.. weirder..more alien?.. but I suppose that’s the mask.. Someone different to see in the mirror… i also got some floss!
I need to get out of the city I think thats what drew me to the gardens last time.. Might do some end of the line excursions starting tomorrow (yep that and eating more than bread and cheese)..
I took the bike outside today, I didn’t realise the chain is not attached but in a paper bag..I put the bag in the drink holder in hope someone else can sort, I’ll wheel it up to red cross tomorrow. (ahh tomorrow already so much to do!)
Its just starting to hit me I have so much time and not enough language.. or knowledge.. I really wanted to not have a plan and embrace and respond to the city but its already starting to close in.. I need space, I need to pat a dog, I need to kiss my lover. All big cities have that isolation. My everyday routines and hellos to the same people are so empty. I understand the privilege but its somehow trivial. Its not somehow trivial.. its trite! so what? make the best of it..Yes! You (me) privileged white fuck! how lucky are you with a life filled with love and food and wine(err yep).. don’t waste it, acknowledge it and do something.. fuuckkkk. take a walk..
I think Im just always soo busy, there’s always so much to do that I just never stop and I feel I cant allow myself to.. I need to slow down…walk..breathe..slow down..
glitter trail 12 November
I woke after a huge chunk of sleep. I feel almost normal. The workmen have arrived back on the scene and are making up for the public holiday yesterday, thats great though it will push me out into the world . I’ll have a coffee and be off. Later….
Fontainebleau trainlines are under repair during November and I really don’t want to get too stuck! So thought Id do an audio history walking guide. Of course a kilometre in I realised I hadn’t actually downloaded it (duh) So … I just walked along the Seine until I was cut off and had to retrace footsteps back to a stairway to the road above .. I wasn’t the only one that had been fooled by the path: an evident tourist mistaking me for a knowledgeable french woman had started to follow me in hopes I knew the escape route...I had a chuckle as I weaved through the barricades. The Paris skyline walk is lovely and i’d never done the entire length so it was great to re-visit... Looking over the city and buildings, it did make my heart sigh. I was a little overcome with the grandeur of the adventure I’m on... So very good to get out. I have arrived back for lunch and coffee while the tradies are “tools down” outside! Ill download the audio tour for this afternoon.. I feel so much better. Just letting the mind air out a bit. I didn’t get to pat a dog,as stated before, they’re just all so well behaved and stay close to their humans.. Need to put some ham in my socks!
Saw some sparkly signage along the seine and was taken back to Mish Meijers beautiful work in “love and money”….. (geez talk about back in the day!)
Just got my museum pass, the person on the desk took great pains to check the photo and me in person several times, I wasn’t sure if this was attempted humour (can the French be funny? Is this French humour?) or that my face had somehow been morphed by cheese, I hadn’t checked the mirror before leaving, maybe I’d high jacked another body without my realising it. (They finally accepted that it was a representation of me and handed it over! ) Hopefully it works this time. Last time, I had a place that stated I was too old to be a student! I know! They must really get sick of tourists in those big museums. I will research tonight what’s on and forge a plan. I do want to get out to Foundation Cartier again, so will add that one to the route..
A few pictures that captured mind strays…
Just finished the historical audio tour around Le Marais. I thought $10 was a little steep but It was great! From finding out where the oldest houses still stand to little doorways and entrances that take you to hidden gardens to where Victor Hugo lived ( Les Misérables was very in vogue when I was growing up I remember seeing it on a school trip and how amazed I was when the bridge went flying into the sky to give the illusion of the jump).. how and why the streets were designed and re-designed in parts and not in others..and why I always get lost in these parts! Where the best kebab shop is. and I never knew that marais means swamp…. ..Super! I feel like I need more knowledge and theres now places Id like to go re-visit. Even saw some geometric art in a commercial setting!!. It was nice to have a different voice to navigate the streets.. All in all a winning day...Now for some dinner..Ive even bought myself my first sweet ..a piece of flan (who says I cant delay gratification - master :)
that day thats grey and lonely 13 November
Ive been here long enough that all internet searches respond in French!
Okay so just four hours to meet and greet……arghhh
Coffee and coffee and shower! Look approachable.. Jeans and a shirt oh and a jacket so your not the only one standing there without one ..sneakers..the cool ones (thanks Gussi x)..makeup ?? maybe just fill in that eyebrow.. ( tweezed to hell in the era of the 80’s pencil-line and still shows distrust by not growing back on one side!)
Okay 3 hours to go..more coffee.. maybe a little walk…
A bit of a look around and made it to the meet and greet with 3 minutes to spare. After 10 minutes there were 8 people standing around, a couple were talking to people they’d both come to the last meet and greet.(.…and then they’d come to another one.. wt(actual)f - lets keep well clear of those friendly artists!) Another 5 minutes and spotted a kindred,, they’d chosen some heavy eyeliner in a goth over Kardashian kind of way (but either would have done)…Awesome we could stand next to each other and not talk.. I turned and saw her (no bull) sprinting back up the stairs.. Okay first one down.. and it wasn’t me! Yeah!
After the welcoming formalities there was a push to get into the doors leading to the food I was caught, panicked, someone trod on my foot. Pardon! I heard…as I pushed back through the now seemingly hordes of people after the free food and wine. Okay well that was like 40 minutes. Done! Thats twice as long as last time!
A couple hours and a bit of a stroll later and Im pretty disappointed with myself for such a crap effort.. the stupidity of my anxiousness is nothing short of just wussing out..fuck it…I think its the fear of small talk which everybody hates…Ive been in situations when nothing actually comes out of my mouth I cant actually vocalise. I think its just that fear of not being able to speak.. especially without dutch courage.. I really need to suck it up..
I understand people may think this social allergy is weird as, I am a hairdresser.. But think about it, all conversations are one on one with the majority done through a painted sheet of glass.
Moving on .. lets.. Todays sound track is Paris interviews with Rick Steves.. Its basic Parisian education on etiquette through interviews he and his guests explain everything from la bise to how to enter a restaurant. I know la bis, its that little cheek kissing hello that I greet Oriane and now Tom with when we catch up!
So im going to walk and educate myself and avoid the studio for the rest of the day..
Went to the opening. All good. satisfied my self deprecating ego. Had a look around there was no wine or food so it was an easy exit!
So.. up side of the day (yep theres one)..Had my beautiful boy Tomas around for some St Germain spritz’ and some dinner. He’s off to Africa in a few days with his love and it’ll be sad to see him go! x So good to hang out. I gave him a dodgy haircut with the clippers someone left in the studio..he looks a little “boof” or “bouf”? either way he may be in trouble later!! Its pretty wonderful when your kids turn out as adults you like x
of abelard and heloise 14 November 2019
I woke often through the night but each time I did I had the sensation that the air around me was the emotion love and Id take a deep breath in, feel happy and then sink back into sleep. Im feeling pretty refreshed and calm this morning.
Parisian public space is used in such a different way. Its theirs, they own it, is an extension of their own homes and sometimes as a tourist being in these places I feel like im disturbing the ambiance.
Building are huge but homes are more often then not quite small and the higher up you live, the smaller and cheaper the rent, so if you live in one of those cute attics way in the air you may have a hotplate to cook on but definitely no oven. There are many windows with railings and prized are the balconies. These elements of housing change the way the outdoors work.
Teenages quite happily get a ‘café’ and sit on it for hours and catch up with friends. This is acceptable and part of the culture, they have no room to meet at someones house so this lifestyle of just hanging starts early. Maybe earlier still at the sandpits in the middle of all the parks that are always full of kids playing. I saw two boys jumping in muddy puddles today and smiled and refrained from joining in.
Parisians leave for work early (thats not entirely true they leave for their second breakfast maybe a espresso and a pastry) and don’t head home after work. They stay out and stay out, late. They almost avoid being in their homes as much as possible, it is so different to the Australian culture of wanting to be at home as much as possible.
Public libraries, cafes, boardwalks, esplanades, canals, arcades, bistros, parks and gardens are all extensions of personal space. Parisians are intimate with their surrounding they have their places, their hangs and I am just visiting. I feel like a stranger staring around their living room at times. There is a code of conduct in these places, its like visiting a relative, you wear clean clothes and remember your manners and don’t completely relax.
Well its time for me to go invade their space some more :) back for lunch and perhaps a day in the studio .. I need to tear everything down and start agin. .un-shrink wrap the table and easel..(maybe). Shit i didn’t charge the headphones..more coffee
Im back for lunch. My head is filled with tales from todays audio walking tour.. stories of mad men killing kings and having their bodies mutilated with hot lead before ropes were tied to their limbs and attached to horses in attempts to separate the parts. From sites of old morgues where unidentified bodies could be seen by the public. (this was not even a grotesque history tour - I suppose all history is pretty torturous) From Marie Antionettes trial, from Haussmann designs to make Paris more liveable and to bring fresh water into the city (70% of the city was torn down and rebuilt ) (there is much debate about him and thats where my afternoon reading will start. )to barometric pressure discoveries to a hunchback with his dead lover in his arms. And the tragic love story of Heloise and Abelard and how Josephine Bonaparte was so moved by their letters she had the bodies moved and buried together so they would finally be as one. Oh Im excited and teary my head is a buzz with information to ponder and look up. Coffee and baguette while I let all that sink in ;)
I began reading on Haussmann when I was distracted by some gardening going on outside, downstairs. A woman sporting a manicured grey bob and wearing a snake skin embossed long jacket and gloves was trimming the ivy back discussing what lay under the dead vines with another woman in yellow gloves with shorter cropped hair and a beige coat.. The French are always stylish it seems. I wanted to ask if they needed help, but I didn’t. It must be hard for Parisians that aIways look over a garden they can never walk through? Or can they just admire the beauty? I stopped Hausemann and picked up ‘down and out in Paris and London’.
Tom just rang he wants to catch up again for dinner.. Ill need supplies..
spleen and windows 16 November 2019
I was on way to Palais de Tokyo and it’s just a sheet of water outside... There will be soo many people seeking to do things inside..so I claimed it as a you don’t have to do any art or use your brain day and grabbed a pastry and booked myself in for the perfume maker course.
I smelt hundreds of scents and bottles as we talked about base notes and layers of scent. Its always hard to find a connection. I searched for one. We talked about mixing scents being akin to mixing colour and only by understanding the complexities and mixations would the scent not turn out muddy brown..
Sophie really like the name I chose and thought it was a very timely title with all the discontent and protests happening in Paris. ‘La Spleen de Paris’ is a book of poetry by Baudelaire and Spleen is one of those french words which is difficult to translate to english…
“The Baudelairien 'spleen', refers to a literary meaning of the word, “melancholy with no apparent cause, characterised by a disgust with everything”.”
I was going for more of the melancholia vibe but I think disgust, mistrust and disheartenment may be more accurate.
I got home and cooked up a big pot of pasta and smothered it with a green tube of frozen garlic and basil butter I had found at the supermarket the day before which I think they use for their snails.. I added some peas..I have become a real fan of peas.
As I sat and stared out the window I pondered someone with a light on in another studio. Feeling a little like James Stewart in rear window. I used to love Hitchcock growing up they used to play movies and at the beginning he’d come onto the screen and introduce the upcoming feature in a slow english drawl making me feel both nervous and excited of what would come.. Hitchcock presents??
I moved one of my works into the far window and lit it to glow out to the other studios .. a beacon of crap art calling out across the scape…
I slept tight and woke early in the morning when I thought Mat and Dani may be mid gig in the Nolan and sent a quick message of love before returning to sleep.
On waking this morning the windows greeted me and remind me of the night before. These windows are magnificent and they have a common connection with all those who stay here .. the first picture someone sends on their arrival is nearly always of the windows or the view beyond.. there must be hundreds of those images over the years.
So im going to play with the idea of the windows today and maybe light them up again tonight. .
I heard one of my larger works that I had taped onto the wall crawl down to sleep on the floor last night.. Its good a fresh start..
I miss everyone x
i have made something good.. maybe 16 November pm
After spending the morning procrastinating I got out and strolled about. Its Saturday and its busy .... I still don’t know the etiquette for strolling. Perhaps Le Marais on a Saturday after lunch isn’t the best time to learn but I try.. I follow a couple and study how they weave or don’t, only the tourists are giving way. There is a Parisian slow dance going on and I don’t know the steps, they are strong in their movements and are determined to keep their line. Stay right and keep your pace..a little slower than your used to. Theres no rush but your not window shopping (licking the windows is what the french say which turns my stomach a little but I do understand the feeling). and in saying that I need to grab some food knowing that tomorrow, Sunday, it’ll be harder to find open stores..
I walk into the local monoprix (which is a little further down the road but they have a wine cave!) and watch the people browse I really need some different vegetables so I peruse too. I cant think of anything I feel like so I grab some cauliflower and some extra cheese, Ill grab a baguette from my usual on the way back and watch them squirm as I ask them for a baguette traditional which they won an award for five years ago (its on the window!)
I gave the woman 1 euro today she gave me her eyes first and replied today mercy madame bon soir and (something something..arrgghhh its why its so hard not to understand).. She sits all day and night, shine or rain. I wonder to myself if she’d like one of my stylish tarpaulins..I will leave her one. she doesn’t know, I need her too.
I then walk past a woman in a leopard jumpsuit and amazing blonded curls that are wild but kept. She try’s to open the door before mine and I just know she’s looking for the cité.. Sure enough she’s in the courtyard and looking lost! I ask her if she need some kind of help although I may have asked her what time does she need help!! Either way the open studio she was after I didn’t know about and I now see a note on the entry saying that my neighbour in the Max Ernst studio is having an open studio in 2 hours. She wanted to see my apartment so of course I said yes ( she had attempted to get a residency here twice and is still trying) I was disappointed that I had taken all my work down to play this evening so she walked in to see my shit beacon not calling to anyone in the daylight and a clean space ..She was visibly disappointed (disgusted with my lack of painted canvases.) “See you later next door “and with that voila she had disappeared.. now play and wine..
I grab the tissue paper doona that I’d painstakingly made under the assumption of art play and folded it and realised it was a giant tutu (or wedding dress ..theres been talking, a lot, about weddings with T and O….just to clarify)). I could make an evening dress and swan into the open studio next door..I wont.
..I remember …. the stairs of the now, the rat palace it used to be my old ballet school and stealing point shoes before a lesson.. there was a basket of old ballet shoes you could buy so I found my size and slid them into my beige crinoline bag.. I borrowed them.! I remember telling mum the teacher had lent them to me.. a total lie.. i remember trying to tip toe and it hurt like hell ..i realised i hadn’t got to the appropriate level and delivered them back next lesson……….
went to the open studio next door and met the neighbours..
and now I play again…farrk i like it.. which is strange for me…a shout out to the other studios ..i hope they like it ..rear window, the windows!