Im really trying not to be insular. Im trying to get out there and respond to people and things but theres a quiet longing to come back to my safe cave the moment I step outside..I suppose thats how everyone feels?…
Fun morning heading off to Luxembourg gardens. Was shocked as the aim of my journey was to visit the trees that had given me such abstracted inspiration ..it was a little sad as they were like my old goats that’d half shed their coats, mid transition, its strange to see them like this.. The garden curators had done an amazing job of planting lots of yellow and gold flowers to showcase the turning trees...that was pretty lovely..the vases had a metal structure built so the plants would cascade into the direction of the massive pond… ponder… that re-occuring concept of man overcoming nature I have.
The studio is starting to look like what you thought Heaven would look like at about the age of 6 ..lots of white fluffy textures.. what the fuck.. Its funny that when I have time to make its not paint its a direct response to materials and object around me..its an indulgence in time and thought I guess...I really love that immediate reaction..maybe ,its too confronting to paint…stop! .. actually it’d be worse if I just came and painted the same old shit..this is good..(fucking self debate)…The plastic is a worry ..its always been apart of my work and I know that paints and glues and everything basically you use to make art is problematic so im trying my hardest to collect and add as little as possible ..in saying that I found an awesome 50% off tarpaulin today that is a transparent and white grid and its pretty lovely.. shit.. fuck..it is delicious though.. id really like another….
Its a weird making experience with these materials..not knowing enough of the language, but occasionally the tape talks in french; in that melodic tone, the stretching and turning and pulling of tape ...I still don’t understand but at least the artwork is trying to talk back.
Im keeping it together so far..albeit a week it! I bought a jar of peas today thinking I could do some kind of italian/french butter pasta?? ..moving on from cheese and baguette ..a little..Food is kind of weird when your alone its no problem to go to a bistro (they’re on every corner) and order a steak and chips but the whole idea of dining is the conversation and laughter..dont fear I have no issue with having a haughty conversation with myself(!!) but it feels like a waste..of ..effort..
I haven’t checked the mail box yet? what could possibly be in there? ill give it another day!