Okay so there something about that zipper i saw in the park..something of constraint but eminent release ..a control, a fixture that you choose to tamper with or not .. a connection. Teeth. Finding a groove …. Tom has said its probably not kosher to collect garments on the street that have been thrown away that have zippers but I’m yet to work out my stand on it…
later..
I fucking don’t know what I’m doing Im just responding..people ask what are my plans..its to respond really thats all fuck it “Depaysement” was my thing you know that weird feeling of being in a foreign country that self instigated oppressed solitude that some people aim for ..I aim for it but in theory only..I know it’d make me MAD and I'm just not able to give in to it .. i don’t want to be that hermit living in solitude ..I'm scared of that person in me, Im scared that the chatter in my head will exceed my controllability.. i need the art of communication and caring for someone other than myself..i miss people.. i am drunk…
later still…
why am i here?( when say here i don’t mean in the big picture) .. Why did I need to come back..someone asked me those questions as I was writing the grant proposal.. I was so sure of what I wanted to accomplish but now I'm unsure for fuck sake I'm two days in its okay. .breathe.. a little .. enjoy .. breathe again..fuck..just have a day off….
just write….
What did you do today? recall.. Saint Paul metro was closed so I decided to walk …. Paris streets are like a giant maze .. You go one way and then your facing the entirely wrong direction.. I’ve always prided myself of my geographical skills but Paris, oh my god who designed these streets ( note to self look that shit up..I could be in Venice) … so finally got to the fabric district .. shop after shop of fabrics ..problematic somewhat when your after a zip ..”fermeture eclair”..apparently its very tricky to buy zip on a reel so ended up buying a variety of shorter lengths.. still think i should have cut zips of discarded clothing..(theres still time) …
..next walk home.. stroll.. oh my god so many shops and I know Im not here to shop… But whats the harm in looking so Ive ended up with scarf.. its good .. now i can go out with just a shirt and a scarf and maybe the locals wont be so distressed I'm not wearing a jacket!
and then..
A visit to Tuileries .. you know it, Ive put it off..my trees ..they were dressed not in their finest but semi cloaked: slightly revealing. I already know whats coming but I get to see the Autumn tease.. I did cry and as spruikers came up to yet another tourist visiting the Louvre district.. they fled with my public display of emotion. ..unashamed. A tear brimming moment..breathe again ..take it in..