jaundice 12 December 2019

The weather has turned; its icy cold and the rain has become an option for walking excuses.. I decide to stay inside, make some bad art and view the outside day of protests via twitter updates. The constant sirens and noise from the windows makes it feel that the feeds are reporting action close by. My ears try to distinguish between the builders next door, the schoolyard close by and general waves of commotion. It all seems to be closing in today and I am missing the routine of work, art and play. Im missing my dog, Im missing my boys and Im missing Mat even though we squeezed a chat in during my morning/ his evening.

monoprix (coles??) new parkas

I research how the fluro yellow jaunts gilets has been absorbed by the culture and has filtered through fashion houses such as Louis Vuitton, streetwear such as Camper and Nike down to the local monoprix’s new ski range. I suppose rebellion is always in!

Ive noticed that if I am out and about and see a flash of yellow I quickly turn to evaluate the situation sometimes on a train I wonder if the person wearing the yellow scarf knows they are being judged and classified. I wish I had bought my yellow Bowie suit!. It definitely has turned into a huge signifier. I remember readying a book on colour and advertising and yellow being one of the most highest recognised so now it has this secondary weight ..especially in France. I also think of Yellow in the language of racist american western movies “yellow bellied” its kind of awesome that a word can be turned around completely.

I paint a few leaves in some yellow paint I find at the studio and scoff at my ridiculousness when I realise its oil and it wont be dry forever! hopefully the old leaves absorb some of the moisture! Its an obvious reach but I tend to always start that way. in my head im already working on plans for back in Hobart but here I need some immediate satisfaction.

Twitter is telling me thats theres mixed feelings about the protests continuing over christmas and they’re suggesting a temporary truce so they keep the popular opinion. Its hard for me because its a much bigger picture than my break in Paris so as much as having the tramlines open to broaden my experience and give me a break from tourist central I do get a concentrated view point and I am a tourist so let see what I have to work with x

crap 13 December 2019

Its been a shit day. Ive strolled and eaten out and talked to strangers but Im just a bit down in the dumps so Im leaving it a that and a self indulgent poem…..

I am but a person

I have nothing extraordinary to say,

Nothing to give you that will make your journey lighter

I fake my humanity to cover my inadequate yet selfish yearnings

I am a cheat

I am not as creative as I told you, nor as wise and or as beautiful

My deception is fading

Before you is my frailty of existence

These words are the proof of my self importance and thirst

Look what has become of me

Without you

rollercoaster - note - self indulgent crap - more! 14 December 2019

On Tuesday the red and the yellow vests join forces for an almighty march across Paris it’s only Saturday but I am scouring websites trying to obtain information. There seems to be clear delineation between supporters and those against. There are also protests on today that are the ongoing Saturday voice, but Tuesday will be big!

Its the workers protesting who will be effected and with the 1975 cut off date most of the politicians making these laws will be secure in the current system. I think its problematic when deals are sealed without the voice of those who will inevitably be wearing the results. We see this over and over and there must be a way of social reforms being made by those that its destined to effect. if I get to Bastille/ Canal Saint-Martin I should have a good view point and an easy get away. The march will be just over the half way point there, and they then continue to Nation. 

Hôtel de Ville

I feel overwhelmed by the world this morning. Its been good to not be woken by machinery so Im making the most of the silence (well quieter) and hanging in bed, reading writing and drinking coffee. The world seems irrational and Im reading much despair and frustration on the socials. I want my brain to process and log then file somethings to make some more room. I am emotionally and physically fatigued and am trying desperately to find a way to reset and re-engage. My outer shell is peeling off, drying out and cracking, I feel that im leaving flakes all over the place and if I continue ill just be caught by a breeze and completely disappear. I am not this person. I need to fight..I am just so fucking tired. emotions seem to just escape through the cracks in waves. Im debating wether its better to let them crash or hold them back. fuck what will help move on and out of this. such self introspection and indulgence I know I cant shift it. Im in fucking Paris in autumn its beautiful get your shit together Wigston! 

I open the windows and let some cool air in. it brings with it a violin playing a jig and I smile and get dressed. Ride this one caz and get the fuck outside!!

..and as soon as I do I feel the anxiousness vaporise. It okay, its better than okay its awesome..lets stroll. and I do. I cant deal with the Saint Paul strip anymore I do anything to avoid it so I cross the water and past Notre dame with hundreds of people taking pictures (as I have done) of the scaffolding. Back through the latin district its still touristy but the cobbled narrow streets and wooden framed shops are so nostalgic (for a time I have no knowledge on*)and beautiful. and you cant physically fit thousands of tourists here! I head past the old book shop that had been recommended and realise many have had the same hint and what once may have been a secret nook has now got red velvet temporary balustrades to keep the hordes in check! I let the light and the buildings show me the direction and I end up on a route i took a couple days prior. I cross the road to try a different perspective. Theres lots of english being spoken and much of it with an american accent it cuts through my now meditative state. I remember Hôtel de Ville was  building a Christmas wonderland the last time i walked past there were hundreds of trees horizontal and wrapped in plastic netting; a spruce holocaust. The light is beautiful and theres plenty of people taking it in but its not packed possibly because transport to the city isn’t running. 

I need to be more affirmative in my daily plans and just expect trains to be down I keep waking up hoping I can get out of this end of town but its unlikely its going to be easy during the rest of my stay so my aim is to get a bit more pro-active and less whimsical (definately not a term ive ever used to describe myself before) Id been saving a few places to visit with Mat but if im stuck here I might as well tick off some boxes! I stroll back and spray my new perfume on the heater filling the room with overpowering scent ( i hope I cant get rid of the smell before Wayne and Jacqui take over lol) I open the windows and sit and write…

cylinder seals 15 December 2019

I got to sleep in til 9.30 as there were no workman to wake me on a Sunday morning. I scrambled out of bed put the coffee on showered and swigged half a cup before leaving the studio. The plan was to leave before my brain switched on and gave me options and debates about how best to spend the day. I got to the Louvre just after 10.

Straight for the oriental objects in the Sully wing. Theres always something that can catch you off guard and capture a spark. Today, for me, its the Mesopotamian cylindrical seals. Small beads ranging in size from a half pinky to a thumb, made out of metals, stones, or bone with intricate carvings that if rolled along soft clay create a frieze. I imagined the hands of the maker and the owner that would pin or hang these objects on them to create a signature; their personal mark. such a tiny precious object with so much to spur on the imagination. Theres so many and Id never taken awareness of them before and now, at this moment they’re caught me. After 5 hours of museum trance I head home to investigate further… heres a quote…

The seals' use as personal identification is one of the most fascinating aspects about them to archaeologists and scholars in the present day. Dr. Senta Green, writing on the interest seals hold for modern day scholarship, notes how historians are interested in these artifacts because "the images carved on seals accurately reflect the pervading artistic styles of the day and the particular region of their use. In other words, each seal is a small time capsule of what sorts of motifs and styles were popular during the lifetime of the owner" (2). She also notes, however, that the identity of the owner is of equal interest in that a modern-day historian has the chance to meet someone "in person" who lived over 2,000 years ago. Regarding the iconography of the seals, Green writes, "each character, gesture, and decorative element can be 'read' and reflected back on the owner of the seal, revealing his or her social rank and even sometimes the name of the owner. Although the same iconography found on seals can be found on carved stelae, terra cotta plaques, wall reliefs, and paintings, its most complete compendium exists on the thousands of seals which have survived from antiquity”

I decided to try the line 1 train that was running today to get back…standing room only on a Sunday!! but it wasn’t too much like sardines(italy*)..I got back to the studio, heated up some pastries and put some more coffee on to help me read and contemplate.  

I love when museums have objects before words could document their use,  where their place in history is uncovered so theres always a little room in the research for story, exaggeration and imagination. 

Some of the later imprints showed how that images on the beads were replaced with cuneiform script which is a striking and geometric writing that dates back before Egyptian hieroglyphics.. these tiny object hold so much… my tears are welling up as im reading on them…this is ridiculous.. my emotional state is all but hilarious or hopefully will be in retrospect. I keep humming that horn(?) from ‘age of empires’ (mum bought the game for the kids way back and we were all a bit obsessed.. lol)… Its dark out and I think I’ll crack a wine tonight! and maybe see if thats game online …actually i wont because I know what will happen x x

cucumber 16 December 2019

Had a relaxing day.. Hanging in the studio, knitting, eating pastries and drinking coffee. Got to chat to Tom and then a few quick words to Mat followed by an afternoon stroll to buy presents for my up coming visitor. I felt good out and about today and grabbed some clay from BHV where for the first time ever they offered me a frequent shopper card.. so im feeling very at home! haha. I am calm and not thinking too much, its good! I finally feel relaxed maybe its in the knowledge thatMat will be here on Sunday or maybe in the fact im not forcing art. Either way today was good and Im celebrating my sublime state with a giant cesear salad and frothy beer! 

greve 17 December 2019

Today was surreal from the moment I woke up.  

This is from the perspective of a person that cringes at the idea of a small gathering of people.. The plan today.. Head to the streets for one of the biggest ever Parisian protests. I could hear whistles drums and sirens from 9am and by 11am they had started barricading streets and lining them with police vans and men in full battle uniform with shields and guns… I did a morning scout to confirm that my sites would work and I decided to return in an hour and head to the other side of the canal and brave it .. so back to the studio for a coffee and pee and to make sure i double knotted my boots as don’t need to be tripping in the upcoming atmosphere!!

I arrived at the vantage and a line of police were pointing people in a direction..(I was really impressed with the police organisation, they were extremely patient with protesters and directed people into what routes would take people to join or avoid the protest .. it was good and clever! Im sure they’re used to dealing with protests but i was completely surprised that they was no angst in informing pedestrians how to join in..just smart….) I followed .. It was to the front! So intense. To begin it was a slow pace towards the impeding noise, lots of people strolling, the louder the noise the more signs, creations, dress ups and vests both yellow and red. I moved off the centre of the street to the sidewalk. I was just taken along with the crowed I could feel my brow bubble with sweat and my back called out to me that I was crossing into stressful territory. As long as I keep to where the side streets are I thought. ..it’ll be okay.. so forward, forward into the crowd..

A cannon fired the commencement and I jumped about a foot it was followed by much smoke and cheering. It was incredibly full on, none of my footage (which was from my camera jammed into my top jacket pocket) seemed to show the incredible emotions.(.maybe because it sat below head height.. )The smoke filled the street and there was a red glow from some lanterns that headed up the march .. Some people yelled and had amplifiers others cheers the songs in call backs to group leaders, the majority were protesting by walking along side with signs help up or pasted on their backs. I didn’t enter the centre street stage and felt only able to support as a witness of their grand gesture……

I kept trying to access the safety situation and when I saw police lower their masks and push forward that was enough… I turned down a side street where a large bin was on fire and being put out by locals and a second group of police were masking up ready to join the crowds.. i passed at least 10 police vans down this street and more were on adjacent roads…(crazy to see them try and get out..) by the time I could work out where Id got to and how to get back the adrenaline had kicked in and i was on a high.. FUUUCKK!!! Ill attach the film its about 13 minutes so feel free to ff or skip it!!  A glass of bubbles have calmed the nerves and exhaustion settles in as I ponder an early night watching twitter feeds of the events that followed! #greve17decembre..

……

The first tweets suggest over a million took to the streets and the first tear gas was implemented about 40 minutes ago……. its terrible that its going to turn so badly but I can totally understand after being there, the air is electric and the anger is palpable..

……

The bells outside are ringing out 6pm and the twitter feed is full of violent outbursts at Nation ( where the protest I witnessed ended) Firefiighters with their hands in the air in retreat are attacked by police..its turning, so badly.. There are so many hurt, its out of control, its so upsetting.

pattern: holding 20 December 2019

Trains are still down.

Its been a weird couple of days. I was funnily enough pretty wiped out after the weekend protest. I know its weird but I think its being so on edge and having no idea what I was walking into that stressed me, completely. If i had to go again I think Id be a lot more at ease.. conscious of my surroundings but not to the point of anxiety.

I bought a little clay yesterday and started to play around with some abstracted forms of the cylindrical seals that had taken my fancy at the museum. I used surfaces around the studio and cite to embed patterns and shapes allowing these scrolls to tell a tale of place and time. I then got carried away and started to carve out the 2 week old bread that id been drying for some elaborate cheese pudding I was planning to make….* Id really like to make a cylinder seal that would be as tall as a gallery is wide and have it roll the length of the gallery! Imprinting a visual onto the floor…. 

Today I walked back down the route of the march on Saturday and only recognised a few markers without the hordes. I did find a pet shop and grabbed a pressie! The walking feels now aimless and thanks to a lovely message I think Im on my 90% done! Im frustrated and annoyed and am feeling im not getting anything out of my daily strolls.. thats a lie.. theres always something.. But the walking itself feels routine, even with different directions. After a couple hours of aimlessness I head back. I know my minds now focused on Mats arrival and wont be able to budge until I get to see him ( I know gross ) Im in a holding pattern till Sunday morning..

I headed to the BHV (with my loyalty card ;) smirky, smirky) to grab some more wool to occupy my hands at least.... As I stood in line I could hear the young guy speaking behind me, I pardoned my self in utter confusion I didn’t grasp anything…I said that I couldn’t speak french, he kept going with a strange look, gesticulating, it was after the third pardon I realised he was on the phone.. I didn’t see the ear buds…OMG i blushed and turned back around I hoped at least it was fun for the others in the queue!! that constant feeling of humiliation with a language barrier.. 

Back in the studio back to contemplating surroundings and a bit of conversations podcast to fill the air. I cant wait to see you.

la fin 21 December 2019

As Mat is in the air heading my way I busy myself organising and cleaning the studio and doing shop runs for treats for the morning arrival. I had been planning to head to the airport to meet him but its too difficult with trains down..

This is my wrap up and I am looking forward to hanging without scrutinising every idea and emotion that springs up. I am nervous and slightly vulnerable that I have made the journey public but I love the transparency. I hope you’ve had a laugh along the way and ill see you back in Hobart in a couple weeks! xx Its been an amazing opportunity and im looking forward to a retrospection. some conversation and much sunshine xx